Summer Rain and Christmas Trees
by beirut
Summary: When Finn and Quinn kiss, Rachel decides to leave McKinley High and moves to Carmel, knowing that she will be appreciated. When they are brought together, ten years later, she thinks she might have made all the wrong choices. Future fic. Finchel.
1. Prologue

**a/n: This is slightly AU, based on the Fuinn rumours – I still hope they're just rumours – and well, it's my take on what would happen if Rachel decided to go to Carmel High after Finn and Quinn get back together. It's a future fic, the next chapter will take place about ten years after the prologue. It's one of those multi-chaptered, slow-developing Finchel fics, so bear with me if there's a lot of angst and introspection, at first. Oh, also, this has been proof-read, but not beta-ed, if anyone would like to beta for me, please contact me? Thank you and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

_So tell me, have I lost it all  
Have I lost my pain  
Punch through a red brick wall  
I don't feel a thing_

__

But to you, it's all the same  
Like a hunter only knows  
What's its prey

_Whatever's mine is yours  
We share the blame  
Just like the darkness in your mind  
Is blind with shame _

_**I Blame Coco – **Summer Rain_

_

* * *

_

There was once a lovely girl. She had been very lonely at first and then she had been saved and now she was just broken.

Rachel Berry had been a mess after Jesse St James crushed her heart like the unborn chick inside that egg, but this was completely different; she couldn't quite remember what it was like to feel loved, to have her heart in one piece, every day she felt more tired. Not of life, of course, only of McKinley High and seeing _his_ face everyday. It hurt, of course it did, but it wasn't just that. Of course she winced slightly when she heard his name and couldn't quite look him in the eye when they were told to sing together - even if those occasions were rare - and she couldn't even think his name, let alone say it. But it was more anger and disappointment at herself than anything else. Noah had taken her under his wing, so to speak, taken care of her for a little while, but it was short-lived. Rachel had given up once she realized that he was making kissy faces at Lauren Zizes over her head. Extremely uncomfortable, that. The point was that she had ruined the one thing she'd loved more than herself without a chance of proving exactly how much better _he_ made her, and she did like it when she proved herself.

Instead, just as she decided to stop texting him good-morning, to give him space and time, like he had asked and like she was now sure he needed, he went and ruined all progress she might have made, regarding her self-esteem and her selfishness, and all those things he'd positively affected. Like a fair sport, Rachel had stepped aside for a while to let him think, and he was kissing Quinn thus proving everything she had ever thought about him to be true: obviously she had been weighing him down, and as soon as she left his life he did what he could to get back on top. Of course Quinn wasn't innocent, herself. She was a social shark; when she smelt an open, she went for it. So standing there, open-mouthed, still wearing the football uniform that made her look like Frankenstein or some other hideous creature with a disfigured body, the tiny brunette couldn't tear her eyes from the cheerleader's and quarterback's joined lips and similar to the sound of Sam's dislocating shoulder, all that time ago, she swore she could hear her heart breaking into a million pieces, turning to dust and becoming completely irreparable.

"Berry," That should be Noah, with so much pity in his voice she stopped feeling sorry for herself for the smallest fraction of a second. _He_ didn't even glance her way and Rachel wondered if they would ever stop kissing. Her eyes stung, had she even more tears to cry? "Berry, shh," Noah was comforting her and someone sobbed – probably herself.

It was okay, the so-called rebel-proved-to-be-the-best-person-she-knew, told her, it was okay, everything was going to be fine, he said. "No, it won't. He's not doing it to hurt me, you know? He actually cares for her and he will be happy. But Quinn will never love him like I do," Noah said nothing because there was nothing to say. Nobody could love the star quarterback quite like her. Rachel knew there were a lot of things wrong with her and she admitted to those even though it cost her to do so because she defended acknowledging her qualities as well as her faults, yet if there was one thing she knew she excelled at, most of the time, was being with him. But the stupid knob-head always chose Quinn. It was better than Santana, in a way, but wouldn't it be even better if he chose her? Noah told her he would take her home, Rachel nodded, not really listening. When she opened her eyes again, the sun was rising.

That day she couldn't go to school. Daddy had checked on her three times before he decided to take off the football uniform and try to coax her into changing into her pyjamas. Rachel stopped crying for a bit and did what she was told, drank a glass of soy milk and managed to eat a couple of vegan cupcakes Daddy brought her. Knowing he was as satisfied as he would be, she climbed back to bed and sobbed until she fell asleep again.

* * *

"Mr Schue, you can't stop me. Kurt could do it, I should be allowed to, as well. You don't need me really, not anymore, and you should have predicted this. Everyone should. I don't enjoy being in a place where I'm not liked. I used like them enough to forgive their behaviours, but now I just... Glee club isn't a family to me anymore. It's a burden, honestly. It was fun for a bit but I need a place where I'm appreciated," Rachel didn't smile. She didn't frown or show any other emotion. All she could do was shrug her shoulders since it was obvious, that she should make this decision. In fact, it was ludicrous that she hadn't considered it before – mainly because she was afraid to meet people who were better than her, and then to lose _him_, but now she wasn't afraid, not as long as she got to run away.

The man sitting in front of her was speechless – he had said he was her best, sometimes only fan, but he was the one who least appreciated her. Or at least, he was the biggest hypocrite about it. "Rachel, you don't have to do this. You're all going through a hard time -" The teenager shook her head before Mr Schue had time to finish. It was a lie, and they both knew it, in spite of her having been just as much of an insufferable optimist as Mr Schue was, she knew now that she had grown out of it and was all for cold and hard facts. Maybe he should grow out of it too.

Her face was a perfectly blank mask as she looked at him, a mask which had been perfected the week prior to this little chat, the one when she had been unable to leave the house. "Please, don't try to change my mind. It's not worth it. I'm quitting Glee club and by next week my transfer will have been completed. Tell the Glee club whatever you'd like, but I don't want them to know I'm leaving. Not that they'd care," Rachel tacked the last part on without wanting to, the words echoing inside her bitterly. Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heels and left the office, heading towards her next class and walking the halls carefully to avoid bumping into Noah. Only a few hours into this and she was already good at it: being the first one to enter the classroom and taking a seat at the end, leaving right after the bell rung and hiding in the bathroom before she had to run to another class. As if she was invisible.

Now she only needed to get through the rest of the week without seeing her former fellow Glee-clubbers.

* * *

_Wth, Berry? I haven't seen u in 2 weeks. Hope ur ok._

_U haven't done anything stupid, have u?_

_I can't believe u didn't say u were leaving._

Noah had been the only person to text her, it made Rachel unable to delete those texts. Not that she'd replied to any of them. Except that to think that one person had cared about her, out of the whole club, was at the same time hurtful and heart-warming. She had never thought that the person she would end up actually liking in McKinley would be Noah Puckerman, even if the disappointment she read on last text told her that maybe she had ruined all chances of a friendship. "It's a good thing," She told herself, before taking a deep breath and pushing open the doors of Carmel High, so trained in her new stance of heartless automaton that it didn't bother her that she had chosen McKinley's greatest rival. Rachel Berry didn't care about anything but her own career, didn't they all say that? Her transfer to Carmel would only prove them right, then."Good morning, I'm Rachel Berry. I'd like to audition for Vocal Adrenaline. I just transferred here," A transfer that had altered all her aspects of her live, as she had managed to convince her dads that moving to Carmel was most important for her well-being. Though, in a way, it was.

"I know who you are. You're in. Don't think this will be easy breezy, like those New Directions. I'm letting you in but you're working hard. You'll eat, breathe and sleep Vocal Adrenaline. If you're not planning on giving this your best, you might as well leave now; we can use you, but we can win without you," That was her coach, then. So different from Mr Schue that it made her take a step back, in surprise. This man was like Shelby had been, absolutely inflexible and emotionless and strict, with the right amount of manipulation, subtly pulling on her competitive edge. The emotional bond that she'd had with Mr Schue would be absent in this particular relationship and that was a relief. The brunette straightened her back, deciding never again to compare her former life with the one that had just begun; here she would be valued, she would be heard, she would be popular, and, above all, she would be less miserable.

For the first time in three weeks, Rachel smiled, "It sounds perfect. I won't disappoint you," She picked up her cellphone and deleted the only three messages that had been saved, as a reminder, already thinking of other ways to become more herself. Though there was no real happiness inside her, and she began asking herself why Vocal Adrenaline were a glee club, to begin with, the brunette realized that this new environment might just be the best thing that ever happened to her. No drama other than whether they all worked hard enough to be considered the best or no and not having to worry about being slushied was absolute Heaven.

The lovely, broken girl would get her happily ever after.

**a/n: That's all, folks! Also, was it good, bad? Please review and thanks.**


	2. Chapter 1

**a/n: Thank you everyone for adding this story to alerts or favoriting it or reviewing, I really can't thank you enough, it really makes me want to write more. This chapter took longer than I expected, because I was so excited for episode eleven that I couldn't even think straight and was busy reading some amazing Kurtofsky ficlets - my new favourite ship. As a Finchel shipper I must say the ending of the 'Super Bowl Shuffle' made me sniffle a bit, I can't wait for a Finchel happy middle again. Anyways, I'm not entirely sure about this chapter, because it seems to me it's more of a filler and boring at times, but it builds up for the next one. Which I'll try to have up before this week is over *fingers crossed* Oh and also, sorry for the huge amounts of Puckleberry friendship in this chapter, but it was necessary. Happy reading! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

_There was a love affair in this building  
The kind of love affair  
Which every respectable building must keep as a legend  
Slowly festering through an innocent "by the way"  
Or "have you heard" _

**_Regina Spektor – _**_Love Affair_

"This lovely girl is one of the most prominent Broadway stars we have seen in the past decade, and at the age of twenty-six has already won six Tony Awards, for shows like _West Side Story, Evita, My Fair Lady_. Broadway classics are reinvented with Ms. Rachel Berry, that's for sure. But this little beauty hasn't just been melting our hearts, no. After a short relationship with Hollywood sweetheart Josh Stein, but she was recently found canoodling -" The blonde woman with the plastic smile on the TV was cut off as Rachel pressed the _off_ button, rolling her eyes.

Being stalked by paparazzi had been one of the many dreams she had had as a child, but ever since she and Josh had first walked the streets of New York holding hands, nothing in her life had ever been private again. Sometimes she felt like a stranger in her own skin, but those thoughts were quickly brushed off. All her life had been working to get where she was - it was preposterous that she might feel something other than extreme pleasure with herself. Truth be told, Rachel's relationship with Josh had been something his publicist and her agent had planned together, since it would help boost her career and make him look less unattainable thus making people see more of his blockbuster movies. Pictures of her with a 'mystery man' all over the media only weeks after their break-up was the very worst type of publicity.

Even if that man were everything but a mystery, the brunette knew she had do be even more subtle and hotel rooms were much more so than her favorite vegan baker. In theory at least, "Make yourself at home," Her gaze moved from the black TV screen to the man's face and nodded, smiling slightly. Rachel had dressed especially for this moment, with huge sunglasses and a large hat, all her hair pulled up to the top of her head. It was supposed to make her inconspicuous, but since when was Rachel Berry invisible?

"You're a big shot, huh, Berry? I – everyone knew that you would be the one to beat all us Lima losers and get to stardom," Noah Puckerman sat down on the ugly red couch next to the television set, looking around the room and at everything except for her. For a week or so, Noah had chased her around the city and asked to have lunch with her until she finally gave in; as soon as she heard that the paparazzi had spotted them, Rachel told him to meet her here, just to get it over with. She wasn't too fond of the idea of talking to him; all she can do is sit down in front of him, on the neatly made bed, and raise one eyebrow questioningly.

Rachel thought that his being Noah Puckerman and insistence in talking to her mean trouble, "What are you doing here? I haven't heard from anyone in about ten years, I don't think that talking now will make a difference," She had come a long way. All it took was for her to make a slight change in her life and everything had been easy and good and there was absolutely no chance she was going to let her past, which was something that she still, at times, considered more important than she should, ruin everything she'd achieved. Nothing would come in the way of what she'd gotten. Her tone and body language were obviously defensive and she could only hope Noah couldn't read those; if she had known him at all while they were in High School, her discomfort would only make him more confident.

But Noah raised both of his eyebrows at her, running one hand over his bald head, no longer sporting his trademark Mohawk. "I don't think you should treat old pals like that. You were the one who left, right? I oughta be pissed at you," Rolling his eyes, he looked around himself, smirking, "This your love nest? Thought you and the gay dude weren't together anymore" The brunette hated Noah. He sat there and looked at her and made her feel sixteen again, and Rachel hated it.

"He isn't gay,"

"Well, he must be something or you wouldn't have split. Famous, rich, talented and, what was it they said on TV, handsome? Unless there's something wrong with _you, _doesn't look like there's a reason to break up," Obviously, he is the same guy he was all those years ago, and he knows her just like he used to. They might have hated each other at first, but he was there when she and _him_ fought or broke up and was the only one who kind of defended her. "You were like, a coward for leaving. But it's worked out for you," Noah shrugged, as if it didn't bother him, but his tone accused her, telling her that success didn't excuse her leaving.

Rumors about her were all over the magazines and it seemed that Noah was here to know things first-hand; not for him, because he didn't care for her enough to come to New York, but because he had something to gain with knowing. Rachel sighed, "I'm happy with how things are. I worked as hard as anyone else to get where I am now and you should be happy that everything has turned out the way I planned. You, better than anyone, should know I I left because nobody liked me – everyone _let_ me stay in New Directions because it was impossible to win without me, but Quinn and erm, was it Sam?, they proved that I was no longer needed. If you could tie with me lip-syncing in the back, there was no reason for me to be there. I couldn't stay there, Noah, and you know it. Don't try to make me regret it, because it was the best thing I ever did. It wasn't even that hard.

As soon as I was a part of Vocal Adrenaline I knew that things were going to be different, better. I didn't always get the female lead but I couldn't complain like with Mr. Schue because my coach had nothing to keep him from throwing me out, and I ruled Carmel. That was a feeling that I had never experience before. Even Sunshine looked down at the floor every time I walked into a room and she had been in Vocal Adrenaline longer than I had. And, I admit it now, was just as talented as me," Not more; never more, "Granted, it might have been because I sent her to a crack house, but it was _inactive._ That last year of school, I was actually happy, so don't you dare come here and try to make me feel bad about the one thing that made _me_ feel good about myself. I haven't been hit with a slushie in over ten years and for all the thousand letters of hate mail I get, there are two thousand more telling me how amazing I am. Leaving McKinley was the best thing that happened to me. So you had better admit that it's worked out for me and realize that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm happy," She shrugged, and focused her gaze on him evenly for a moment, "Why are you here, honestly?"

"I kinda like you. Always have. Jews should stick together," Puck shrugged, and she raised one eyebrow at him.

"Oh, you need money, isn't it? Fine. How much?"

"What? No. I just – what about Gay Dude? Why did you break up? I – I want to know how you've been," It seemed very unlikely to Rachel that ten years after they had stopped talking he wanted to 'stick together and she told him so, her eyebrow still raised, "Really, Berry, stop being so freaking uptight and just, talk," And though she wasn't convinced yet, she talked. Never anything too personal despite at times feeling as if Noah, who wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, could see right through her smile and into the broken girl inside. When she was done, he told her all about how he had a 'legit' pool-cleaning business and how he was an honest man, how he rarely ever slept around and about how sad he was that none of the Glee club member seemed to ever talk to each other anymore, though his words were 'it sucked'. He mentioned _his_ name, saying that he and Quinn had broken up right after she left. The brunette politely asked him to leave.

* * *

Noah called her again a week after. Rachel decided that it wasn't about catching up, so she decided to meet him at his hotel room, not keeping track of time like normal people do to ask herself if he was actually working or not. It would seem strange that someone could be away from work for a little bit over two weeks; she knew that she would never be able to do that. This time, when they met she gave him an awkward, one-armed hug before sitting next to him on his bed. The hug was in itself a great risk to take, because one never knows when there are cameras present. That had been Rachel Berry's motto, for a little while. The man in front of her looked different from last time; worried, maybe, a bit frustrated and uncomfortable – so unlike himself that she smiles, as that means she will have the upper hand, "So. It was really hard to get to talk to you again. Your people decide what you can or can't do, right? You never get like, a lot of personal letters, do you? Apart from like, fan mail?"

It's, in her opinion, a pretty ridiculous way to start a conversation but considering it is sure to get all of this over with, she plays along. Getting rid of the elephant in the room, and what not, "I suppose not. My parents never send me letters, all of my family can call me and I have a special telephone number just for them," A tad drastic, since she wasn't that much of a celebrity, but Rachel thought it was good to be prepared, "Yes all of the other letters and calls that I get have go through my agent," She shrugged. "Why?"

"I sent you a letter, a while back. And Tina just did. Erm I don't really know how to put this. Well, Tina and Artie are getting married, you see. In a few weeks, I think, and they wanted to invite you, they sent it months ago, but you never confirmed or anything, so they told me to talk to you," Noah ran one hand over his head awkwardly.

"Why did they tell _you_ to come? And why would you even send me a letter?"

"They thought I was the only one you'd talk to, I s'ppose. I mean, I was the only one you still talked to before you left," This time his tone wasn't accusing, he was just stating a fact, possibly because he didn't want to take the risk of irritating her which pleased her immensely, "And I invited you to - to my wedding actually. With Santana. It was five years ago, though, and nobody thought too much of you ignoring it because well, it was Santana. But no one can really hate Tina and Artie, right? Anyway, they asked me to give you this. They're saving you a spot regardless, you know. Everyone misses the Glee club," Rachel didn't, but she kept from saying so as he handed her the envelope, "So do you have a date? If you go, I mean,"

When he tried to change the subject, she rolled her eyes, "You and Santana are married then? That's – I won't say nice, because she was everything but nice – but it's a surprise. Congratulations. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, though. I like weddings. Tina and Artie will be getting my reply very soon," But all of a sudden Rachel was very tired of this. Of the way McKinley had crawled back into her life as if it hadn't been a relief to get rid of it to begin with, the way she was realizing she might have missed seeing those people go to college and become adults but most of all, however, it annoyed her that everyone seemed to be settling down, whereas she saw her late twenties as the age to focus on things which weren't a family.

Noah grunted, "We split a couple of years back, actually. Not all High School sweethearts end up together," He shrugged, not noticing how her soft smile became strained. It wasn't that she cared, exactly – being nearly thirty had given her a maturity she had sorely lacked in High School and she was perfectly aware that in a world as big, it was virtually impossible to meet the person you would marry at sixteen. It was quite medieval, actually. Rachel had had ten years to get over that immature little boy and she knew she had succeeded. It was only reminiscing that made her feel queasy; the past had been behind her back for a long time, "All right there, Berry?"

With the back of her hand pressed against her lips, she nodded, "Yes. I'll be going then, thank you for giving me this," She waved the invite at Noah, as if he needed her to remind him. In reality, she wanted to distract him, "I'll see you at Artie and Tina's," And again she hugged him awkwardly, realizing that she had in fact missed him.

The night after the talk with Noah, she had already sent her affirmative response to the invite, told her agent to clear her schedule for that week and browsed a few stores for the perfect dress. The wedding was in Lima, a small ceremony from what she'd gathered, yet it felt to her that it was most important to find the perfect dress – more so than when attending the Tony's or any other event, for that matter. Rachel needed to prove to everyone that her departure had been the best thing she had done; she needed to look as successful as she was.

* * *

Rachel waited for her dads at the airport, indulging in a soy milk latte while she did so, and trying to hold on to the trolley, although with as many bags as she had, it was becoming increasingly difficult juggling them all. Thankfully, her dress (a navy strapless cocktail dress, which went amazingly with her orange pumps; a rather bold choice for a bold girl) was perfect, and she felt confident that she wouldn't hear any comments on whatever might have happened ten years ago. The brunette stopped walking, to finish her drink and get her hand free to carry her bags evenly. Someone bumped into her and got latte all over their shirt, "Oh, shoot, I'm sorry," Though she had no free hands to help the person. There was no need to exchange insurance numbers, and thinking that being here for the first time in years made her jumpy.

"It's okay," There was a pause, "Rachel?" Everything she might have felt then was a complete cliché; clichés were an idea she disliked immensely - she opted for not feeling anything, even if her thumping heart reminded her that _he_, this man in front of her, was everything but irrelevant. She nodded, at a loss for words and he half-smiled at her; she had forgotten all about his half-smile, but in that moment it appeared as if she could remember each time he smiled at her like that. "Are you here for the wedding? Me too. It's awesome to think they ended up together, isn't it? Like in the movies. It's like, it's not even something that happens in real life, but it's happening, so it's pretty cool," Rachel bites down on her lip and is proud of herself for not even flinching.

She notes he still talks like an adolescent and that he seems to have forgotten he has a coffee stain on his light blue shirt and also that he looks nervous, talking to fill in the silence which would otherwise have been completely smothering, "I should go, I have to meet my parents. I'll see you soon," Rachel takes a step forward, ready to walk around him like an insignificant obstacle, but his voice stops her.

"Wait. This looks pretty heavy. I'll help you. I only have this one bag," He shrugs and takes one of hers – the largest one – smiling again. She hates Noah and how it is all her fault that she is now in this predicament and makes a silent promise to herself to only return here in another ten years, regardless of how many 'High School sweethearts' get back together, "You're staying with your folks too? Hadn't they moved to Carmel with you?"

It took all she had not to roll her eyes at him. It wasn't like this conversation was going anywhere, what it was doing was making the both of them uncomfortable, "Yes, but they never sold the Lima house. For some reason, they like living there," Probably the same reason Rachel hadn't yet ran for her life. Pure masochism. She sighed, quietly enough that he wouldn't ask her what was wrong or, hopefully, hear it and told herself she would believe in karma from now Rachel spotted her dads she waved, although they spotted _him_ before they saw her. Their mildly surprised faces then sporting equally shocked looks which could only rival the look of self-pity she was sure to be carrying, at the sight of her and her ex-boyfriend together, "That's my cue, I believe. I'll see you soon," She repeated, smiling tightly at him.

He called after her again and she pressed her lips into a tight line, "You look good. Y'know, after ten years and all, " Rachel turned her back on him decidedly, knowing that unlike the transfer to Vocal Adrenaline, returning to Lima had been the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

**a/n: I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave some feedback?**


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